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You get a text that seems like it was meant for someone else.

"Baby" is code for "I think wearing puka shell necklaces is cool, and no matter where we go, I'm secretly going to do coke in the bathroom."12.

But as it turns out, they’re heaving shovelfuls of statistical manure at you.

A few years ago, OKCupid calculated that 96.25% of e Harmony’s profiles are inactive, using numbers provided by e Harmony themselves.

Let's go grab some Frostys and then bang." Socially competent people know to just ask someone out to dinner and then let the banging happen organically.13. There's no shame in being unemployed for a stretch or getting paid under the counter.

But if he's describing himself as an "entrepreneur" and refuses to get more detailed or refers to his job situation as "complicated" instead of being up front, that should be a red flag. Either he's seeing someone else and doesn't want to be spotted out with another woman in his hometown, he doesn't see a future with you and doesn't want you knowing where he lives just so he can keep his distance, or he's basically a hoarder and he doesn't want you to see the state his place is in.

If he doesn't have a job, it's understandable that he won't want to lead with that, but if he won't even elaborate when pressed, he either (1) does something shady as hell for a living or (2) is just fine with lying a lot.14. It's one thing if he's being a gentleman and doesn't want you to make a long drive out to see him.

My girlfriend and I met on e Harmony, so I’ll be the first to acknowledge that online dating can absolutely be a worthwhile experience. I dabbled with it for almost , and prior to Melissa, the most memorable thing I came away with was a tome’s worth of craptacular dating stories.

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Fortunately, you’re living in an age when getting it on with no strings attached has become perfectly acceptable, if you’d rather skip the hassle and just jump to dessert.

Online dating doesn’t have to be about meeting the love of your life.

It can also be a great way to rack up a steady supply of distractions to keep you busy around the clock.

You're really hitting it off, but the dude is basically a ghost. No one who online dates is "off the grid." He's hiding a dark secret (or he just has a girlfriend).2. And then suddenly you don't hear from him for 12 hours. Either his mom gets sick or he gets a flat tire or his mom gets sick again. Bailing eight times means he's hoping you'll send him nude pictures without him ever having to actually meet you.9. He's always complaining about the long hours he works, but he makes really good money, so it's OK. Everyone likes to talk themselves up when you first meet them, but he really forces conversations in odd directions just to get the chance to make himself look cool. Unless you are actually a giant baby, Benjamin Button-style, there's no reason for some guy you don't know to call you that.

Either he's being really forward with you or that "thinking of you" text was only sent to you because he wasn't paying attention.4.

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