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When you’re on the phone with women for 4 hours a day, you tend to hear a lot of recurring themes.One of the most prominent themes is a “high-class” problem; in other words, if you’re having this issue, it means you’re doing very well with men.If we want to take down our profiles and commit, we’ll do it.Which is why, when Maureen and Cassie breathlessly asked me to tell them what to do next, the answer couldn’t be more simple: NOTHING!!! A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. It remains to be seen if it will pick up speed, gain altitude, and soar skyward . Sometimes they lead to burning love; sometimes they go down in flames. All the observable and obvious clues: They are nicely groomed—stylish, but not overdone. As would-be romances go, this plane is very slow to leave the gate and get onto the runway. or if it will lose engine power and sit on the tarmac indefinitely. It’s true that first dates can be one of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-producing situations in our society. Because of their own fear – of being abandoned, of being not-good-enough, of being too old, too rigid, too masculine – they seriously ran the risk of alienating their new men.

early dating serious conversations-23early dating serious conversations-22early dating serious conversations-70

In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not.

” to “How can I calm down and make sure I don’t ruin it with this great guy?

” Both of them, unfortunately, had it quite backwards.

It seems these perspectives are mutually exclusive. Is it possible to start from a place of deep connection with someone, discuss your true desires for your romantic life (including marriage, children), and not scare them away?

I really appreciate your insights as I have been so dissatisfied with dating at the surface, but it seems this is the recipe for eventually getting into a relationship.

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